You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
