Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
