so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
