things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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