"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
