I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
