just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
