Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
