can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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