I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
