just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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