I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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