That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
