i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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