Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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