Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
