I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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