she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
