Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
