Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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