I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
