She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I supernannyed him into submission
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
