I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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