Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
