I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Jerry, you need to find god
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize