My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
