her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
