And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
