upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
