you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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