I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
