sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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