I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
