Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
