wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
