I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize