Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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