I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
