my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
