Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
