The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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