hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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