just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
