so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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