i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
