i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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