People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Of course I have a pirate flag
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize