I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
