Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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