if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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