Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
