I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Success! We fucked roommates!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
