I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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