Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize