He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
