My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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