you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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