Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to align my fucking chakras
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize