I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
