I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
