I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize