She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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