I can tuck mytits in my pants
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
