Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
