why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
