i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
