its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
